Store

I had to take a bath before I could write this entry.

My mom called me in the middle of the afternoon today. She rarely does that, especially when she knows I’m away at a training or a conference. I immediately knew that something was very wrong. The last time she called me at work in the middle of the afternoon was when I was still in college. At that time, she called me to tell me that David ran away from home.

Today, she called to say that I needed to help her find a lawyer. Tonight. It’s about the Store. She’s having issues with the landlord. We’ve always had issues with the bastard for as long as I could remember … my earliest memory of him was when I was 6 years-old. I can tell from Mom’s voice that she is pissed, very stressed, and very, very scared. I’m scared. I’m frustrated. Actually, there is a plethora of emotions flowing through me right now and it’s hard to sort them out.

There is an easy solution to this: sell the Store. Move. Open up business at a new place. It sounds easy, doesn’t it? But this family business is complicated. It’s all my parents really know. For a long time, it’s all I knew.

People don’t understand what it is like to call a donut store your second home.

People don’t know what it’s like to do your Algebra II homework at the store, sitting next to customers while they scratch off lottery tickets.

People don’t understand what it feels like to give up USC football games to help roll a thousand egg rolls with your mom, grandma, grandpa, dad, brothers, and uncle on Egg Roll Day.

People don’t understand that the donut store is what financed our education, what motivated us to make more out of our lives.

This establishment has been the pride, joy, and heartache of our family for the past 20 years. I have written so many stories about the Store because it’s shaped my life as if it was part of my family. It destroys me to see this dickface take advantage of my family and place us in this godawful position.

As a daughter, I feel like I could have prevented this. But would my parents have listened to me?

I asked my mom when the lease was up. She told me it has already expired.

Me: “What? Why are you waiting until now to do anything about this.”
Mom: “Well, I kept telling you to look for lawyers for me and you’re never home so I can never talk to you about this.”

Me: “So this is my fault now? Is that what you are saying?”

How can the blame on the dickface landlord now be transferred to me? I know that she’s pissed, and I’m starting to get pissed, too. But all for the wrong reasons. I start thinking to myself, “Well, maybe if Mom wasn’t wasting all her time telling me to stand up straight and yelling at me for my acne, she would actually remember to talk to me about the seriousness of this matter.”

But reality hits me and I realize that the Store’s existence is in jeopardy. Issues with Mom can be sorted out later.

This evening, I do some research and find that law favors the landlord. I find some lawyers and email them to my mom. I don’t know how the consultations are going to go.

Afterwards, I take a bath and tell myself to not cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. I was good and I didn’t cry.

But I am crying now. It hurts to see my parents struggle so much … and to know that I am a grown, college-educated, bright young lady and I cannot help them. As if they didn’t struggle enough in Cambodia, in Thailand, in the Philippines, in the US. They have always fought so hard for their own success. Everything they overcame was not easy …

I pray that, in one way or another, they can win this battle.

 

 

 

BALANCE

Holy COW. I am wearing these extremely tight skinny jeans that I just bought. I want to bend my knee, but I’m worried that it’ll cut off some blood circulation.

***

NEW SONG

Yeahhh, I’m becoming super hipster.

***

So, I caught parts of “Eat, Love, Pray” this morning as I was doing some laundry. I’m sure every woman relates to Liz in some way. I certainly do. It was an ok movie, but I did gain one thing. I’m attracted to this idea of meditation. I have this terrible tendency to overanalyze behavior, dramatize the situation, and act on my emotions. I think if I could wake up, sit, meditate for 10 minutes a day, and try to control my thoughts, I would feel much more refreshed and … at peace. I need to more consistent and more at balance. That’s going to be the word this year: BALANCE.

I’m going to add that to my list of self-improvement goals for this year. I’m not sure if I made a list yet, but here’s one at a whim:

 

-Learn to meditate

-Make lead analyst or look for new job

-House hunt during Fall 2012

-Contribute more to WYSE

-Adventure (find new places in local areas, fly to new places in the US, plan oversea trip in 2013)

-Work on family relationships (this is probably the most difficult goal of all)

-Build professional character (look for new org to join, attend more networking events)

 

***

I’ve spent hundos in the past couple of weeks on shoes, cosmetics, tea, gifts, food … so I’m gonna ban myself from Amazon for one month. I will give myself one exception. That’s it.

***

I’m going to post a more serious update tomorrow night when I’m at my hotel in Shell Beach. Watch out for it.

Speechless

One word:

Happy.

Thank you love!

never thought i’d say this …

but i think i’m losing too much weight. weighed myself this morning and is down to 108 … i lost 7 lbs since april without even trying. i thought 115 was already ideal for me. i feel like sticks and bones.

is it the tea? the coffee? maybe it’s all the salsa that YK forces me to eat.

:)

:)

Last night was one of my best evenings so far this year. Good, long happy hour with coworkers … then surprise home welcoming with YK! Really, really happy to have gotten a chance to see him before he headed off for another weekend trip. 

Made my weekend!

 

Possible favorite

Of all the flower arrangements that have passed through the bathroom at work, this has to be my favorite. Now … I just have to find out what these flowers are called!

 

EDIT: THEY ARE CALLED DAFFODILS! THANKS CAROLINE.

Er I Miss This Guy

Vday continued

Having too many episodes of emotional swinging in the past couple of days. I am making too much out of a hallmark holiday. Because even without flowers, cards, chocolates, and presents, I am still in a happy relationship. Yes, of course I  want to feel special and to experience random acts of kindness. But feeling this way everyday is far more important than being spoiled on just one day. Unless it’s your birthday.

Glad this day is almost over.

Happy Valentine’s Day to ME

Belated post … but some of my favorite pictures from Portland/Seattle trip:

Museum of Glass

MOG 2

Pittock Mansion

Tasting evening

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BTW, we ate at this really delicious Udon restaurant the other day: Sanuki No Sato. YUM … try the spicy udon.

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Good seeing Amy this weekend!

***

So tomorrow is VDAY and YK is all the way in TexAss so I’m treating myself to these:

Lakeside Sperry ($50). Did you know Endless.com does not charge you for 2-day shipping OR tax?! See you on Wednesday, baby!

 

I may also get these:

Ann Taylor flats ($60 + tax & shipping) … of course.

Vibram!

WHY SO MANY? Because I deserve to feel special.

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BIG CHANGES AT WORK. I may finally get a raise … if I can get promoted. We shall see! Lots more work, but that’s what happens when you tell your director, “I wanna make manager!”

 

Feb

Oops. It’s been a while since the last update.

 

January started off really, really strange, but I’m glad it concluded with the Portland/Seattle trip. It was great reconnecting with YK, exploring in our rental Kia Soul, and chowing down at some yummy places (Piazza Italia, Catfish Corner, Little Bird, Moonstruck, Pok Pok). We got to do a lot of sight-seeing, some hiking, eating/drinking, cat-sitting … it was a really good time. Even better that I got to see Ham and Michiko!

 

I only wished we had more time; it was like a teaser to a full-blown vacation! I am already craving for my next trip. It’s been a while since I’ve been to New York … It’d be good to see Jamie, Jon, and Bernice. And Eric Ripert. : )

 

I know that a lot of my friends have been concerned about me lately and I guess the blog hasn’t provided much insight into how I’m doing. Let’s be real – January was a really tough month for me. I saw a lot of ugly in myself that month and I had to ask myself some difficult questions. But, something seems to have changed in the recent weeks and I can feel a significant difference. Things are better and I am happier. And that is all I want. To be happy.