from 200.9:
Summer
It’s so easy
To fall in love with summer
When you are home.
In three months,
The stories multiply:
Of dessert at all odd hours,
Of mischievous adventures,
Of being chased and chasing after.
Of memories that
Permanently leave their special mark
On so many years
And all the ones to come.
With that smile,
You draw laughter out of me,
Breaking the status quo.
What has formerly been routine and repetitive
Suddenly becomes fresh,
New,
Interesting.
I carefully
Dance around these moments in the warm weather,
Understanding that they are to be treasured,
As they only come once a year
Only to escape us
Just as the first leaves begin to fall.
It’s a season
To challenge limits,
To test definitions
Of what it means for
Love and hope,
Dreams and destiny.
October through May,
I constantly jump between fantasy and reality,
So transient that I almost forget myself,
Who I am and what I’m looking for.
Always seeking a way to get out,
Waiting to discover and be discovered.
But when I find you in my passenger seat,
The traffic, noise, distractions seem to
Cease at once.
Catching the sunset with you as we drive down the 10,
I find direction, meaning
Color
In a city that has no faces.
Now the moment has come—
A chance to leave,
To start anew.
But for the first time,
I am realizing
It’s not so easy
To part with summer.
It isn’t easy
Knowing that
You are
Everything.
Everywhere.
Always.
(9.02.09)
Aftertaste
The aftertaste -
Its sweet bitterness still lingers on my tastebuds,
Allowing me to savor the last moments of the buzz
As we watch Dawn peak
Above the colorful Victorian San Franciscan rooftops.
Somehow in this tired, inebriated state of mind
It all becomes clear:
When there are no more ifs,
The wonder ceases to exist.
The questions subside and truth naturally reveals itself.
For a moment,
You stand exposed
Telling me what you think I shouldn’t know -
Even though
It’s obvious
I already know.
The roles are reversed and now,
I see how things have changed.
Sometimes the scariest part
Is not so much in the information
But in the presentation.
And in your most vulnerable state,
I feel my heart grow,
Realizing that in all of its irony,
It always comes back to this.
The last dance will never be for me.
(5.27.09)
By the Lake
The wood crackles beneath the glowing fire,
Lifting clouds of smoke into the chilly air.
Dodging the flares’ sparks
While moving closer to the heat,
You gently pull me in.
Afraid, but thrilled of the possibilities,
We guard this moment by
Allowing few words to pass;
Nothing can interrupt this treasured silence.
Looking beyond your naked eyes,
I search for the unanswered -
For the mystery and wonder
That color in my world.
Nestling between that narrow space
Between your delicate neck and broad shoulder,
I feel safe.
And when you whisper into my ear -
Cold, damp lips brushing against my burning cheek -
The world sings in harmonious song.
You repeat the simple words,
And I can’t help but laugh out loud,
Allowing the wind to carry this sound across the lake
Into the sleepless night.
from 200.8
Sweet Sixteen
I’m beaming,
Baking in the sunshine that you bring.
The days in between reunions stretch on forever,
But nothing’s changed when we’re together.
We haven’t gotten wiser, older, or richer.
In fact, we’re all trapped in sweet sixteen:
Fun, free–
Still so naive.
From here to there, I wish I could see you grow.
I know it takes time–
That there’s no rush to discover what we already know.
This trust bridges the gaps in distance,
but not much else.
I want to believe that
NEW careers,
NEW choices,
NEW friends
Won’t change you and who you are.
I can accept the NEW.
As long as I see your smile,
I’ll be doing fine
And everything will be pretty much the same.
Like I said,
I’m still so naive.
Lost in this dream of
Beautiful adolescence also known as
Sweet sixteen.
(3.26)
Circles
It’s not healthy
That I wake up every morning
Debating whether
It’s time to let go,
Let you grow.
I can learn to be content with where we stand.
We’re still good friends, I say;
So positive that wouldn’t change.
I slow down to catch my breath,
Standing in my tracks,
Watching you shrink from a distance.
I stop the chase,
And as soon as I turn away,
You call
My name.
And I fall
Into the same
Position that I can’t ever seem to get out of.
So I run in circles for you.
Can’t stop.
Won’t stop.
No matter how hard I try to.
In circles I go.
Letting these damn emotions go.
It’s about time …
(2.1)
Love Song in the City
I feel myself aging–
The urban life is taking over me.
I try to freeze time,
Putting my dreams onto paper so I can remember,
Profiling pictures so I don’t have to imagine,
Except I always forget
These days aren’t worth recalling when you’re not here.
Every morning becomes routine.
Watch me go again,
Jumping on these roads that lead me to a place I don’t want to be.
Hours at a time I let my heart do the thinking.
I drift in and out of the city,
Feeling the emptiness of the passenger seat,
Wondering if and when I can have your company.
The palm trees on Wilshire Blvd
Just aren’t green enough for me.
Celebrity sighting on Rodeo
Just isn’t what it used to be.
This life has me so tired,
Beat up, burnt out,
Boxed in
This city love,
City love …
(2/13)
Somewhere in Between
It’s amazing,
How we both understand
That somewhere in between the 400 miles,
The 8 years,
The letters, laughs,
Smiles, secrets,
Talks, teases,
The one hundred and one hundred plus ten,
Lies a feeling, a connection–
That bond–
That no one knows about.
How somewhere in between fate and reality,
Strangers and lovers,
I crash and fall,
Waiting for nothing,
Yet waiting for everything
To happen.
And once a year,
Everyone obsesses over
Chocolates and flowers,
Fancy dinners, fancy presents
Only to compensate for what they don’t have,
What we have:
An understanding, a trust—
Year-round–
In which these words do no justice in describing.
Somewhere in between
What is, what may be, and what shouldn’t be.
Afraid to cross moving lines, shifting borders
That have kept us safe, that have kept us apart.
Breathing,
Feeling,
Capturing,
Holding
Onto this moment in the cold rain,
Onto this moment in the Golden State Park,
Onto this moment in the quiet, blissful morning,
Thinking:
I just want you to be happy.
But when all’s said and done,
I realize we may end up
Following different paths to pursue
Our separate dreams.
But please know,
I’ll always be
Proud of you, happy for you.
I’ll always be
Somewhere in between
Your best friend and everything that was meant to be.
(1.29)
from 200.7
From the Pool
I’ll never forget how we met,
Since it just proves how I’m a trainwreck
When it comes to introductions.
Embarrassing myself on the first day,
Stumbling over what to say,
Yet finding myself naturally drawn to you.
With all the world’s talent in your every move,
Standing next to you is simply breathtaking.
Out of reach, out of my league.
Imperfect puzzle pieces is all I see–
We can’t fit together; we can’t even try.
But there’s something there in your voice
That’s keeping me up.
I guess I’ll never make that choice
Being the silly girl that I am.
So tonight,
I’ll just stretch out into the open waters,
With my open arms, open heart,
Devouring the sky and its stars above me.
(10/3)
The Impossible
I know I’m not confused but
Merely lost for words.
Running with the impossible,
So careless and free.
Like letting my hair down for the first time,
Letting the wind blow us away.
Darling, I want you to see
How I’m stuck in this position
Of here and there,
You or nowhere.
Sick of waiting for answers
To questions I’ll never ask you,
So I’m forcing myself to kiss and tell
The whole story of how it began
And my hope that it never ends.
And these days, we think we’re so smart
All grown up, moved out, moved on–
Living in different places and different times.
But can’t you see,
Darling, I’m still 16.
Trying to figure out how to make
This everything I imagined it to be.
So let’s go back
To the days of simplicity–
To the days of just you and me.
[...] Poet [...]